i was awoken today at 4:15pm by none other than the lovely Emily! god, it was so great to talk to her! i've missed lem tons, especially since we hung out a ton right before she left. hopefully i'll be here the 28th to see her before i leave! bah!
the rest of the day i kind of did nothing. i can't even recall things i did. ate dinner? got online? the usual.
at a little after 7 Dean called (yay! i didn't know if i should call him or not. i really wanted to go to dance, but didnt wanna intrude. you know the drill) so anyway, he asked where my house was and all so they could pick me up. from that time, i realized i hadn't even remotely gotten ready all day. my hair was a hodgepodge of curly crazy red hair. i had no makeup on, except for a tiny bit of brown mascara at the base. the only think i could find to wear were these stupid light wash jeans and a green tank top and my black dance shoes. to say the least: not at my best. Deaner met the folks and they love him, haha. the car ride to portland was so funny, god, i dont even remember what all we talked about...oh! the crazy stories in the New Yorker! leeches, asians, terwiggler, all sorts.
we show up at the place, and are seranaded by overplayed Elvis songs and unbearable heat. oh, and did i mention that there were actually young, good looking guys this time. sweet. one of these guys, oh my...if i could picture a dream guy, pretty sure he'd be it. i'd say he was midtwenties. tall, skinny as hell, but still had that fucking amazing cut muscle that i like to call "jamie's arrow" haha jk kids. but back to this guy, he had long dark hair pulled back into a low ponytail. green eyes. unshaven scruffly whiskers=hot. a cute crooked mouth. good teeth. he was wearing a tight white tee shirt and man dance pants. and it was so cute, he was personable as hell, and i had to teach him the steps that went with the Double Overhead. he had such a great sense of humor. and his style of dancing was perfect. the way he'd overexaggerate moves and swing me around. god, if only, heh
anywhoo, tonight was great fun. there were tons of people there so you got to dance with a lot of fun people. one poophead in particular killed my fun a few times, but what can ya do. deaner and i had fun at the beginning, we cheated the system and stuck it to the man by ddancing together like 4 times in a row. take that! oh! the dance instructor guy dances with me whenever i dont have a partner. and this one time in particular, he made me go in front of the class with him to teach a new move. one i had never done either. so basically, i had to go and judge what i had to do based on his leading. it was kinda awkward, but cool.
at the "free dance time" dean and i worked on the new moves, some old moves, and even made up new ones! one was very unsuccessful, but with work i think it'll be cool as hell. i have such a good time with that kid, whenever we mess up, instead of stopping or whatever, we just use corny overplayed dance moves. like the robot. or the snake arms. good times! Mac kept hitting on Deans mom so we kinda rushed out of there to split em up, in a joking way of course. we were on Naito (haha!) and saw a wedding. they were walking towards a device which i had trouble naming. cubby? cabby? cabbage? lol...carrage! we laughed really hard at that lil mixup. oh, and at mrs. wilmert's lack of hearing. she asked: where did you get those shoes? to which the lady replied: "i ordered them" and mrs. wilmert sys: "oh england! i love england! they make good shoes?" funny. ass. shit.
too much writing in here, and im losing motivation. time agian for the one-word wrap ups: semi-huge. chocolate. 35 cents. hubcab. c.c. semi-petite. front seat. salsa. high elevation. seeing red. delayed goodbyes.
well, as for now, i'm off to get myself a lil snack! wierd pattern lately: can't ever finish dinner. hardly even come close. but at the wee hours of the morning i get super hungry. hmm? i'm talking to jon, and he has similar things like that like me. maybe i'm not crazy afterall!
July 26 2005, 00:45:08 UTC 6 years ago
Be My Escape
I’ve given up on giving up slowlyI’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
And this one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing where to go
I promise I’m going
Because I got to get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I got to get out of here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape
I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
You’ve told me the way, and now I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit, that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Because I got to get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I got to get out of here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape
And I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave
I fought you for so long
I should have let you win
Oh, how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do
was save my own skin
Oh, but so were you.